MyWeaknessGodsGrace

Today the Lord had shown me something that I have been trying to hide away and never talk about or do anything about. One of my greatest fears in my life is that I will end up having the same weight problems that my father has had in his life. I know this is a typical thing that people deal with but I wanted to talk about something that people really are not just honest about. It is something that I struggle with. And I am not overly insecure about myself. But do I wish that I weighed a few pounds less of course. One thing that I have never really given over to God mainly because I have never really thought about it. I mean who really when they are giving things over to God say I need to give my health over to him. Now that I am on my third day of fasting God has shown me something that I needed to share.

So I am willing to stop eating for God, but I am not willing to eat healthy for the Lord. I am willing to constantly pray to the Lord about when I can eat and what I can eat, but I do not on a regular basis ask the Lord when I should eat. And lastly I am willing to for the lack of better words starve myself to teach myself discipline in life, but I am not willing to discipline myself with going to the gym or just working out on a daily basis. Today God has shown me this as small as it may seem, he has shown me this sin in my life. Now the big question remaining is what and I going to do about it?

As of right now I do not know. I am still praying about it but I do know something needs to change in my life style. I tell myself that I praise the Lord and I have given my life to the Lord but yet I haven’t given my health to him. In what world does that make sense? Also while I am thinking about it I wanted to say that I am sorry. To my friends, family, and last but not least, actually one of the most important people in my life my girlfriend I want to say that I am sorry. I am sorry for not taking better of myself over the last few years. I have allowed emotions and moods to overtake how I treat my body and for that I am sorry for not glorifying God with my body.

With all this said I am still not sure when the Lord is going to allow me to eat again. I know this sounds crazy that I just talked about my health and I am going to continue to fast but it is something the Lord had laid on my heart. So I will be obedient and honor the Lord with this time of fasting. I would encourage anyone reading this to pray not just any prayer but really take some time and listen. Yes just listen; I feel that this is something that we forget to do today. We live in a world that is always go, go, go and there is never a time when we truly sit in quiet and just listen to the voice of the Lord. This is the challenge I give, because I have really experienced that when listening God will speak and reveal things that are in your life that need to be worked on. So a warning to the people saying I want God to change me, beware that this step is not easy. It will hurt and it is not going to be fun. Letting go of the selfishness that is inside of all of use is something that just seems so unnatural. It is something that must be done in order to pursue God with everything that you have with your life.

Let us truly seek the Lords face and not be afraid of the things we have to do or give up. Live your life for God, and give him all the praise and glory for everything. I leave you again with a passage of scripture:

“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.” (Romans 12:1–8, ESV)

Pursue God run after Him, and never look back to what seems to be things you are giving up. Love the Lord and dedicate your life to Him.

What is your focus? This is the question I have asked myself every time I have even thought about fasting. I have never wanted to fast just to say that I am fasting look at me. But for some reason this time was different. Like everyone else I have sin in my life some are more present than others. But lately God has been revealing what is in my heart to me. Let me tell you, you think that being convicted of normal sin hurts and is difficult to overcome wait until God shows you the condition of your heart. This has been an eye opening experience and it has humbled me greatly. God has shown me that I am in leadership by his doing not my own. Because he has shown me that if he didn’t want me where I was that there are plenty of reasons for me to not be here. So I start this off by saying that God alone is the reason I am where I am, and I am doing what I am doing.

So yesterday I finally responded to something that God has been calling me too for a long time. Until he revealed my heart to me I came up with excuses and reason why I should not fast. And yes this is the time God has called me to. This is my interpretation of what God has been saying to me, “Jonathan you need more discipline in your life. You are allowing other things to come before me; you are prideful, stubborn, and selfish. You will are going to do a fast from food.” I say, “okay I will do it Lord, how long?” God responds, “Until I say you can eat again. You must learn to live by my bread alone before you are able to eat physical bread again.”

So after this dialogue with God I started, and the first day was not that bad. I mean I have done day fasts before and they are pretty easy. It is really just getting food out of your mind that is the key. But the next morning, your stomach hurts a little, your head may be pounding and you are drained. And that is the start to my day. But I am looking to turn this frown upside down. But how?

Do you ever wonder why you ask some of the questions you do. I do all the time, and it is always on the questions that I can answer right after I ask them. But that is off topic back to the story. I knew last night that I needed to really focus my heart and soul on the Lord and be constantly connected with him in order to do this. So I wanted to wake up around 7:45am-8:00am. So like always I set my alarm for 7:45am and 8:00am. But I wake up this morning at 9:15am, way to start the day off. You’re hungry, you’re tired, and you are just drained, and to top it off you do not get the time to spend with the Lord before your day starts. What a way to start the day. But it will get better, because the Lord showed me something already today.

I was at convocation this morning, and for those who do not know this the University I attend, has “chapel” if you will every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. This morning the speaker was talking about disciplined prayer life. So instantly I was hit in the shoulder by God, saying listen this is something you need to hear. The sermon was good and I really did learn. But something I never thought about was why fast, what is the point. And I am still working that out. But I do know that I need to be more disciplined in my time of fasting. Funny I know that discipline is something God is trying to teach me and I realize I need to learn it. So that is something I am learning. I need to be more purposeful with my time, and the things I fill my time with. Because,

“If there are other desires in your life that are set above God, then how are you going to seek God with all your heart, mind, and soul with other desires in your life that are above what you say is your greatest?”

I would like to end with this passage of scripture that has really been on my heart these last few days.

“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” (Ephesians 3:14–21, ESV)